


I don't wanna be funny anymore.

by thatdamhufflepuff



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Langst, Self Harm, So much angst, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, lance centric, mentions of self harm, the others are mentioned but aren't actually there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 12:50:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12366153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdamhufflepuff/pseuds/thatdamhufflepuff
Summary: Everyone thought he was just Lance McClain, goofball and residential flirt. He wasn't special. He wasn't good in battles like Shiro and Keith, who isn't even here anymore. He wasn't tech savvy like Hunk and Pidge, and now Matt. He wasn't diplomatic like Allura and Coran. He wasn't the sharpshooter, he was just a boy from Cuba.(langst song fic. song is "i don't wanna be funny anymore" by lucy dacus. tw warnings: mentions of suicide and self harm)





	I don't wanna be funny anymore.

(I don't wanna be funny anymore)

Lance was in his room, sitting on his end with his hands cradled between his knees. It was the middle of the night, and no one else would be up. Lance used to have to be wary of Pidge being awake, but now that she's gotten Matt back she has time to take care of herself. 

(I don't wanna be funny anymore)

Matt. He was everything Lance wanted to be. His jokes were funnier, his mind smarter, and everyone thought of him as a wanted team member rather than the nuisance Lance was. He wouldn't be shocked if Matt became a member of Voltron. Then they'd be two paladins too many, and Lance knew there was no way he'd manage to stay on.

(Lately I've been feeling like the odd man out)

The only person who wanted Lance to stay on the team was Keith. Keith, who Lance had a slight crush on, that of which he had come to terms with. What he hadn't come to terms with was Keith leaving Voltron to work with the Blade of Marmora.

(I've hurt my friends saying things I don't mean out loud)

God, why didn't he fight for Keith? Why did he join the others when they were asking Keith if he wanted to be a part of Voltron? Of course he did, what he didn't want was the responsibility of leading it. He never wanted to pilot the Black Lion, and they had forced him to, and then they were asking if he even cared about them? Why? Why would Lance join in on it? He knew how scared and lonely Keith felt, and he knew that it wasn't fair for them to ask these things of him. But Lance was too scared to speak up, and now Keith was gone.

(I don't wanna be funny anymore)

Lance pressed his palms against his eyes and squeezed them shut to avoid his tears from spilling. Why was he so weak? He wanted to badly to be strong, to be a valued members of the team.

(I got a too short skirt, maybe I can be the cute one)

Everyone thought he was just Lance McClain, goofball and residential flirt. He wasn't special. He wasn't good in battles like Shiro and Keith, who isn't even here anymore. He wasn't tech savvy like Hunk and Pidge, and now Matt. He wasn't diplomatic like Allura and Coran. He wasn't the sharpshooter, he was just a boy from Cuba.

(Is there room in the band? I don't need to be the front man)

Back home, he was considered unique. He was the child that his parents flaunted, to the annoyance of his older siblings. He was told that he was smart for learning three languages (knowing english, spanish, and french was handy in space, so why did it matter anymore?). He was told he was so talented (who needs a dancer when they're fighting the Galra?). He was told that his presence was needed everyday. Out here, it's not like that anymore.

(If not, then I'll be the biggest fan)

They were children fighting a war that has been around far longer than they had. All of them were toddlers considered to how long this war has been going on. How could they be naive enough to believe they can change the universe? Lance isn't special, or talented, or anything needed to fight the war. 

Lance. wasn't. a. hero.

(I don't want the joke to be on me)

Lance was a joke. He was a human mess falling apart at the seems, but no one noticed because no one cared. Lance was a liability that who be better off gone, and everyone knew it but no one had the balls to say it.

(Yeah, I'll buy the clothes and I'll be the best dressed)

What did he need to do be useful? How could he become a valued member of Voltron? Did he need to start training more? Did he have to learn how to be good at technology? Did he have to learn how to convince others for their cause? 

(Yeah I'll buy the books and I'll be the smartest?

What did he have to do? Whatever it is, Lance wouldn't hesitate a moment to do so.

(I'll play guitar and I'll be the artist)

All he wanted was to be needed. For someone to need Lance to stay here and alive and sane. But none of them needed Lance, and he's come to accept it.

Lance wasn't needed here, or anywhere else for that matter.

(Try not to laugh)

Lance sat up on his bed, wiping away his tears. He stood up and made his way to the bathroom connected to his room. There was a soft light hanging over the sink that reflected off of the metal walls, giving the whole room an eerie feeling. 

(I know it'll be hard)

Lance reached behind the sink, where hidden in a secret compartment he had made, was a small blade. 

(I'm serious)

This wouldn't be Lance's first time self-harming. He had a criss-crossed array of scars covering his arms to prove it.

This would simply be his last.

(I knows it's a first but...)

With every ounce of his being, Lance hated himself. He knew the others hated him just a much, and he knew that the longer he stayed here and alive, the longer he'd prove to be a nuisance.

(Yeah, I'll be the gossip, hear it through the grape vine)

When morning comes, the news of his death will spread quickly through the Castle of Lions, as well as the other revel fighters. Lance bets there'll be a feast to celebrate his death. 

After all, that's what happens when the villain dies right?

(Pass it on, he's done with old times)

Lance brings the blade up to his arms, as he lays against the wall while sitting on the bathroom floor. This is it. These are his final moments of life. The final moments that no one will truly know what happened. 

He starts cutting his arm, not the horizontal cut that he's done dozens of times before, but a deadly vertical cut that starts at his elbow and ends at his wrist.

He doesn't have the strength to do it to his other arm, so he decides to make another cut on his thigh, one just as long and big as the first.

(That funny boy doesn't wanna smile for a while)

His thoughts panic for a moment. His heart lurches at what his family will do when they find out their son truly is dead. How the Blue and Red lion will react, because he was just as close with one as he was with the other now. How his friends will mourn him at least a little bit, and how he's intentionally causing them pain.

But it's too late for him to react to any of his thoughts. What's done is done.

Lance has killed himself, and he will finally be helpful to team Voltron.


End file.
